Real Wellbeing Takes Two
The first time I felt some tension in the room during a workshop was a session with management and staff. Having spontaneously seated themselves on opposite sides of the room, the divide was pretty clear as 'inside voices' began showing up on outside faces.
We were doing what we always do in a Working Well session: unpacking why stressed people literally cannot think straight, how groups can look out for each other without it feeling weird, and what one tiny daily habit can do to a whole culture over time.
And then we got to the Wobbly Point, identifying mental health challenges at the 'signs and signals' stage instead of waiting for the jelly to fall off the plate.
I could feel the eye-rolling from the management team, the unspoken fear all over their faces: "Oh great, now they'll all want Mondays off because they're wobbly."
It was time to issue a challenge to both sides of the room, to take shared responsibility.
What happened next was one of those moments that remind me why I do this work.
The Problem With One-Sided Wellbeing
Here's something worth bringing up.
Yes, we all deserve psychologically safe places to work, play and volunteer. (In fact, when it comes to workplaces, it's not even optional; it's the law.)
Yes, your leader can provide an environment that supports staff wellbeing.
But they can't come to your house at a reasonable hour and tuck you into bed.
And if they do, that's probably an HR issue.
Real wellbeing, whether at work or in our personal lives, takes two. Two sides of the same table.
What Shared Responsibility Actually Looks Like
Back in that room, the Wobbly Point discussion was no longer focused on fault-finding or taking advantage. It was about early intervention, small sustainable goals chosen by each person for their specific circumstances, with a clear and mutual understanding that personal responsibility only works when the fundamentals are already in place.
SOBOB, Stressed Out Brains Are Offline Brains, reminds us that you can't just ask people to manage their own wellbeing while the environment is actively working against them.
Te Whare Tapa Wha gives us another beautiful framework. If the relational wall of your workplace is broken down by power imbalances or a culture of fear, you've got a very wonky house, and a mindfulness app won't fix that.
Shared responsibility means both sides show up. Leadership creates the conditions, individuals take ownership of what's theirs, and in that shared space, people can actually thrive.
🔬 Science Spot
Psychological safety (the belief that you won't be punished for speaking up, asking questions, or making mistakes) is one of the strongest predictors of high-performing teams. Google's Project Aristotle found it was the single most important factor in team effectiveness. But psychological safety is a two-way street: leaders create the conditions, and individuals choose to engage.
So What Does This Mean for You?
If you're a leader reading this, the environment is yours to shape. Your people are watching how you respond under pressure, how you talk about struggle, and whether it's genuinely ok not to be okay sometimes. That's powerful, and it's worth taking seriously.
If you're an employee reading this, the organisation has responsibilities, and so do you. Your sleep, your boundaries, your One Degree of Change, nobody else can do that part.
And if you're the HR manager who booked a wellbeing session hoping that everybody would come to the table with an open mind, I see you, I appreciate you, and I promise we'll make it worth your while. But the real magic happens when both sides of the room can play their part.
Aroha nui.
Julia Grace | Be Kind to Your Mind
References
The science in this article draws on the following research and resources, because if I'm going to tell you how your brain works, I should probably be able to back it up.
Edmondson, A.C. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behaviour in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350–383.
Google re:Work (2016). The five keys to a successful Google team. re:Work with Google.
Porges, S.W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.